….. it is time to put my money where my mouth is. Or in other words, talk can be a dangerous thing.
What I have found is that once I start verbalising thoughts it becomes much easier to act on them, and in the build up to my decision to search for a different work life, I have done a fair amount of verbalising.
It helps to talk, not least because one is obliged to make a fair attempt at putting together something coherent to express. I become acutely aware that I haven’t thought things through properly when I attempt to voice them to those that know and understand me best. These same people make no hesitation in pointing out the flaws in my thinking. I thank God for them.
I mean that literally, because my brain is capable of taking me to some very unhelpful places and frequently does at times of self-doubt. And so it has been, that the first thing I have had to address on my journey is the unavoidable matter of self-image. I happen to believe that I was made in the image of God, so for me, this has meant exploring how the image I have of myself gets in the way of being who I was made to be. But whatever you believe, or don’t believe, it is true to say that if you have a poor image of yourself, then you will certainly get in the way of fulfilling your potential. By the very nature of the problem, this is a difficult one to sort out by yourself. Good friends and family who believe in you are invaluable. Ignore them at your peril.
Quite apart from this mentoring type of talking to which I refer, there is another kind of confidence boosting talk that has helped me thus far. I think it is commonly known as bravado. It goes something like this….. “I don’t intend to be in this job for much longer”…… or for me, more latterly ….”I’m thinking of taking a bridge year. A year out to find a new direction” . There was a particular day, just a few weeks ago when I must have voiced this to nine or ten different people on the same day. People I barely knew but had bumped into in the street were getting a full run down of my proposals. I was rather alarmed at myself. But this all had a purpose. Have you noticed that if you say something about yourself enough times, you come to believe it?
I tend to be a woman of my word. If I say I am going to do something then almost without exception (although I can think of one now and feelings of guilt and panic are being fought back) I will do it. I guess I must have mentioned that I was planning to move on a few times at work, and so it comes to be that having put my mouth where my money is, I now find that I am having to put my money where my mouth is. So perhaps my next blog entry will be all about how to plan for a year with no income.